When couples call me to talk about whether one of them are eligible for a marriage green card or not, often times the issue of age disparity arises. However, I have never had anyone ask the question, "What if my partner is much more attractive than I am?"
Perhaps it is easier to discuss disparities in terms in age rather than attractiveness. When I am retained to work on a case, I ask for a color photo of the wedding ceremony and that is -- in many cases -- (since I often do not meet my clients in person) the first time I see the difference in not only their ages, but their attractiveness levels.
Do Heterosexual and Homosexual Partners Have the Same Age Gap? No.
Facebook examined their accounts of people in relationships and they found that internationally, the average age gap between heterosexual partners is 2.4 years, with the male being older than the female. But the age difference was significantly higher in same sex relationships, where the average age different averaged 9 years.
And it seems that the older we get, the bigger the age gap. The Facebook study showed that older people were more likely to have a partner whose age differed significantly from their own than younger couples.
There are so many theories for why May-December hookups do seem to be far more common in the LGBT community than elsewhere: a smaller pool of potential partners overall, more age-diverse social groups, the fact that how long you’ve been out can be similar even when actual years (how old you are) are not, a general removal from traditional heterosexual life patterns altogether, or just that queers as a group are more open-minded.
Usually when there is a large age difference there is also an "attractiveness difference. The Immigration Officers who conduct the marriage green card interviews are accustomed to seeing a 5-25 year age difference in the couples that appear before them, and therefore they are also accustomed to seeing couples with "mixed attractiveness."
Gay culture media highlights youth, muscle, and good looks as valuable when it comes to sexuality and relationships. All one has to do is turn the pages of your favorite gay newspaper or magazine (that doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual in nature) and you’ll be distracted by photographs and advertisements of attractive people.
What Do Immigration Officers Think About Mixed Attractiveness?
I would hazard a guess that many Immigration Officers are probably straight and do not compare the "real life" couples they interview for marriage green cards with the glamorized gay and lesbian models reflected in the press.
From all my years of observing the couples that appear for marriage green card interviews inside the federal government's USCIS offices, the U.S. Citizens (straight or gay) that the Immigration Officer's interview every day, all day, come in all shapes and sizes: overweight, elderly, disabled and sometimes disheveled.
Their spouses probably look very different than them in terms of skin color, age, culture, income level, education, and language skills. Every once in a while a "beautifully matched' couple may appear, but that is not the norm in the real world. More often than not, what impresses the Immigration Officers the most is whether the couple knows each other, respects each other, have activities they like to do in common, and have a strong emotional connection - not whether they "match" in terms of looks.
If you’d like to discuss your case, you can call (619) 235-8811 and ask to speak with Danielle Nelisse, an immigration attorney with 17 years of immigration marriage green card experience.
If she is not at her desk, please leave a voicemail message and she will call you back.
She does not charge a fee to take your call and discuss whether your case would qualify. If you qualify, she can provide you with a quote for how much it would cost to represent you no matter where you reside.
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Other Immigration Questions Concerning Same Sex Married Couples:
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Is “coming out” important to the Immigration Officer who conducts the marriage green card interview?